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Sunday, October 3, 2010

felt like ages since my last post... near a month...
doesn't matter....
no one's bugging me for update...
as my existence is like a mosquito to everyone...
I came to that conclusion... a long time ago...
I'm just another unwanted existence...
the feeling of rejection acceptance...
clashing each other like fire and water do...
at times its piercing sharp and cold...
at times its warm and soothing....
but those moments last only a second...
and I end up being in the luke-warm world...
not knowing my emotion...
and feeding myself to the virtual...
I envy the virtual...
although it has no living sense...
but there is happiness...
there is acceptance...
there is rejection...
there is freedom...
there is privacy...
there is peace...
and there is love...
to me...
all those only exist in the virtual...
without the virtual world...
I guess I would've been just another emotionless piece of wood...
I just wanted acceptance over rejection...
I just want the damned rejection feeling to go away...
I just wanted a little bit of attention...
I felt rejection was the majority...
I felt the need of attention...
I felt a lil bit of loneliness...
maybe ever since that day...
or maybe even before that...
I couldn't tell apart my true self....
I couldn't tell what I really wanted...
the feeling of confusion...
I was sure I had been ready for this...
but still...
deep in me..
it still hurts...
everyday and by then...
the feeling comes and goes...
maybe its when I see you...
or maybe its when I think about you...
maybe not you....
but someone else...
another incident...
I guess crying over my feeling couldn't happen...
I never cried for her that day...
I almost did...
and to you too... I almost did cry...
my tears seem to just get stuck in my eyes...
maybe thats where my pain comes..
my sorrow...
my loneliness...
my soul......
I really wish she would've forgiven me...
but guess...
I'll just leave everything be...
even if it comes..
even if it goes....
things should remain unchanged for me...
hopefully thats the best for me...
I loved,
I hated,
I suffered,
but now... I'm dead...

Blogged @ 8:38 PM
Don't let me go -